BROKENNESS

Doing what was right in the sight of the Lord, but not with a perfect heart...that was the critique on some of the kings in the Old Testament...and it was what was true of me during a fairly lengthy period of time in my life. I was active in church, (and successful at all that I put my hand to), raising a family, being a wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc., but I knew the truth. God pulled no punches with me. He went right at me, knowing that my deepest desire was to love Him with my whole heart. I was the clay. And I didn't mold easily. My, my, how He loved me and won me back! But it wasn't until I was face down in our shag carpet, a tear-stained Bible close by. I cherish the dealings of my Heavenly Father during those days. If He had not pursued me, my life would have been worthless...and a disaster.

So, at the height of His breaking process, I was as low as I had ever been and as I have been since. He had chastened me and I was "exercised thereby!" I wrote this song right before the sun began to shine again. 

LORD, I DON'T MIND ADMITTING

Here I am, Lord, before Your throne, crushed and broken.

Many things I should have said are yet unspoken.

But at this moment it is clear that You’re the potter and I’m the clay

And my contrite heart is ready to say the things I ought to say.

Lord, I don’t mind admitting I’m on my face before Your throne

And Lord I don’t mind admitting, I can’t make it on my own.

I’m at the end of all of my answers and my clever thinking, too.

And Lord, I don’t mind admitting, that it all depends on You.

Many years I’ve known You, Lord, as my Savior.

It has always meant so much to know Your favor,

But I have to speak the truth, I thought the way would simpler grow

And yet it seems the things You’re teaching me are getting harder as I go.

Lord, I don’t mind admitting that the battle is so sore.

Lord, I don’t mind admitting that I need You more and more.

I am just so prone to wander, to stumble and to fall…

And Lord, I don’t mind admitting, You’re the only one to call.

Lord, You know the way I take from days of old.

When You’ve tried me, You will bring me forth as gold.

You say “Rejoice in tribulation,” and that is hard for me to do,

But since I know Your way is perfect, I’ll just go on believing You.

Lord, I don’t mind admitting, it’s no fun to be the clay,

But Lord, I don’t mind admitting I’m glad You’re breaking me this way.

Lord, I need someone to break me who is gentle, kind and true,

And Lord, I don’t mind admitting, I’m so glad that it is You.