KEEP THE WAY CLEAR

Remember the old hymn, Nothing Between? Nothing between my soul and the Savior, so that His blessed face may be seen, nothing preventing the least of His favor, keep the way clear, let nothing between.

Driving in the afternoon sun yesterday, making my way to Hampshire where I have been watching the grandkids...Ginger and Gaius are off to Banff to celebrate their 15th anniversary...I was just doing some healthy introspection and some praying. With each passing day, growing older by the minute, it becomes more obvious that there is still a good deal of work to be done in my life. But, aging has another plus--the process of diagnosing is no longer painful. At this point in time, I gladly welcome "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my thoughts...and see if there by any wicked way in me."

So, as I drove down I90 on a beautiful summer day, little shortcomings and failures began to come to mind, and as I said, they were welcome. Instead of a defensive response (which was totally absent), I agreed with the points of correction coming my way.

Kindness. I remember praying years ago that I would be kind--and I am, I think--but I know I have an edge when I am kind. How can I explain what I mean? Some of kindness depends upon who the other person is, and that in itself must not be a good thing. With my family, for instance, with our long history of knowing each other, maybe there is a hint of mother's wisdom that stands in the way of free and clear kindness. God spoke to me about this in the car. He, in essence, told me that if I do that, I am not trusting Him, and that it is an attempt on my part to try to help Him do His job. Just be kind and leave the rest to Me, He was whispering.

Recently I did a 43-day fast (of sorts), one day for each year I have been a mom. I spent those days looking back with two purposes in mind: one to be take an honest look at my mothering skills and the other to nudge me into making appropriate changes. I can recall that my kindness quotient was colored with the massive job load and the pressures of life. How I loved my children, but I remember the existence of that "edge." I want to be rid of it. I don't like that part of me and so, I asked the Lord to help me with relationships now...with the kids, the grandkids...everyone.

Gentleness. It is very close to kindness, but the difference I see is that gentleness is something that evidences itself in word, action and even body language. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is in II Samuel 22: "...Thy gentleness has made me great." David was composing a psalm. He told the Lord that he realized that he had become an amazingly great man because God had been gentle with him.

If I had it to do over again...and in reality, I am getting another chance at this stage of life...I would be gentle all the time with my kids. The tendency is to think that you need to toughen your kids up, but in reality, gentleness is what makes them great. So, now, is there time to have an effect? I asked God to take away any toughness toward people and replace it with gentleness.

Shoe leather. Owning up to a big hole in my personality, I declare that I often express love and concern and mentally devise ways to show that in a practical way. Oh, how I wish I would have written more letters, kept in better touch, sent a care package, picked up little gifts when I saw perfect ones for this one or that. I mean well, but here again, I must be honest that the verse in James about loving in deed and in truth rather than in word and in tongue pricks me often, sometimes in deep recesses where I sense it but ignore it. I need to change in this...and I want to.

Well, those were the three things that came to mind as I asked God to open me up and show me my sin. My heart responded enthusiastically. I couldn't wait to try it out!

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