ONE OF MY FAVORITE WORDS…CONTENTMENT     

Unfortunately, I was pretty well into my life before I learned genuine and steady contentment. In picking apart my malcontent in my early years, especially my early married years, I find that it was composed of not so much a lust and craving for more things, but rather a dissatisfaction with my circumstances. I suppose that looking around at where others were in the area of circumstances boils down to the same thing as wishing you had more stuff.

Early in our marriage, we moved into a two flat which Ken owned and immediately began to turn it into a single family dwelling. Hardly a month went by when we were not tearing down walls of lathe and plaster,  ripping out old electrical wiring and fighting with the plumbing. It was a mess for a long time until the remodeling really started taking shape, and about then, we sold the house! In fact, fifteen minutes before closing, we put up the last piece of trim.

I was okay unless we went to our friends’ houses. In most cases, they had anywhere from fairly nice to very nice houses…and with no plaster dust. Then I would be sad and hurt and dissatisfied. I did not live my life under a black cloud of discontent, but on and off, in my heart, I entertained plenty of unhappiness. I recall driving home from our friends’ beautiful, new home one night and just riding along in silence. I was tired of the dust and the nails and the smell of stain and the pieces of drywall in the shag carpet. The radio was on and a song came on that didn’t help…Our day will come and we’ll have happiness!

Oh, retrospect is amazing! How foolish of me! We lived in an unfinished house but we had such fun! The kids learned how to pick out chords on the piano and made up songs. Sometimes we took the bus to Lake Michigan or the El to the museum. When people came over, they always thought our house and our remodeling ideas were “cool.” The laundry room was on the first floor. We congregated in our living room to make reel-to-reel tapes of the kids singing and quoting their Bible verses and Ken playing his trumpet. We always had lonely and homeless people staying with us. Everyone felt so comfortable when they visited.

I never longed for stuff. My discontentment, although it included somewhat the lack of what a lot of others had, was pretty well concentrated on how crummy it was to have to raise kids and be married under such difficult external circumstances. It’s a little hard to explain. The reason I know I was just plain unhappy was what I saw in my life when that turned around.

We messed up with our finances. We lost absolutely everything…everything tangible…and went through the valley of the “shadow of dearth.” During those years of feeling like we were walking in molasses, God did the Potter thing on me. What amazes me is that I didn’t even know it was happening until one day, in a certain set of circumstances, a new me emerged. In the same exact place where I used to have such sadness and turmoil, there was contentment. I remember the first time I verbalized it. “I am so content,” I said, “so content with what I have.” Such peace I had!

God says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain,” to be content with the things I have, and to learn to be content whatever my state. I love the word contentment! Contentment has freed me up from a desire for any earthly thing and a satisfaction with my blessings and the Lord.